


Modern Love and Modern Art

by tablelamp



Category: Men in Black (Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Art, Art Theft, Banter, F/F, Snark, Snarky Married Sleuths, Thin Man AU, mystery-solving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-07-20 12:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19992010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tablelamp/pseuds/tablelamp
Summary: "Angry Denebolans gathered outside the Museum of Modern Art for their third day of protesting the theft of 'Stellar Associations,' one of their most famous and widely celebrated pieces of art.  Although the painting was scheduled for display beginning next week as part of its tour of Earth, it never arrived at the Museum, despite leaving the Louvre with a courier.  In other news...""I suppose the courier is too obvious a suspect," said a wry voice directly behind Molly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SadieFlood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieFlood/gifts).



"Angry Denebolans gathered outside the Museum of Modern Art for their third day of protesting the theft of 'Stellar Associations,' one of their most famous and widely celebrated pieces of art. Although the painting was scheduled for display beginning next week as part of its tour of Earth, it never arrived at the Museum, despite leaving the Louvre with a courier. In other news..."

"I suppose the courier is too obvious a suspect," said a wry voice directly behind Molly.

Molly laughed, turning to give her wife a kiss. "Much too obvious. And good morning."

Olivia's lips twitched into a polite smile, which Molly knew meant that she was pleased. "Good morning." She gestured to the television. "No leads yet?"

"Not unless you count the courier," Molly said.

"Which we don't, obviously," Olivia said. "If you're going to steal the most famous Denebolan painting of the age, for goodness' sake, do it with some panache. Dressing up in a delivery uniform is so tired."

Molly laughed. "You're itching to get your hands on this one, aren't you?"

"I saw 'Stellar Associations' in the National Gallery some years ago," Olivia said. "It was quite the experience."

Molly gave Olivia a sidelong glance. "Don't tell me you put a tracker on it."

"Sadly not," Olivia said. She looked at Molly evenly. "Hypotheses?"

Molly gave Olivia an innocuous smile. "What makes you think I have one?"

"You've always got at least one," Olivia said. "Come on, darling. Out with it."

Molly shook her head. "It's nothing but a guess until I can get a look at the museum. And that assumes we're going to be hired in the first place."

"I think you'll find we are," Olivia said. "As a matter of fact, your mobile should ring in the next ten minutes."

"I love when you call it a mobile," Molly said warmly.

Olivia looked at Molly with a glint in her eye, but before they could do anything, Molly's phone rang.

"Oh dear," Olivia said. "Off by eight-and-a-half minutes. How clumsy of me."

"Molly here," Molly said.

The voice on the other end of the phone sounded exhausted and stressed. "This is Richard Geisel at the Museum of Modern Art. Would you and your wife by any chance be able to--"

"We can be there at one," Molly said.

"Thank you," Richard said, in a tone that was probably supposed to convey enthusiasm but instead sounded like a whistling teakettle. "I'll meet you at the loading dock."

"See you there," Molly said, and hung up.

Olivia was already heading for the bedroom. "This calls for my art theft investigation suit."

Molly got to her feet, pocketing her phone. "You definitely don't have one of those."

Olivia paused to think, then made a 'fair enough' face. "Well, it will be after this."

"May I put in a request?" Molly asked, touching Olivia's arm.

Olivia covered Molly's hand with her own. "Always."

"Well," Molly said, "you know how much I like you in black."

Olivia lifted Molly's hand and kissed it. "Done."

Molly felt a thrill of excitement travel through her. "Thank you." She gave Olivia's hand a squeeze. "Quick, Robin, to the museum!"

"Oi," Olivia retorted, "who are you calling Robin?"

Molly thought about it. "Batman?"

Olivia nodded. "Better. Come on." She led Molly into the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

The very hassled Richard Geisel did, as promised, meet them at the loading dock. "Thank you for coming on such short notice. This whole thing has been a complete disaster for us."

"Not a complete disaster," Olivia said. "Unless the painting genuinely can't be recovered and it's thought to be your fault."

Richard looked as though he might faint. "Uhh..."

Molly was already examining the loading dock. "The news reports said the painting never arrived. How accurate is that?"

"That's the problem," Richard said, eager to be distracted from Olivia's reminder that the situation could easily get worse. "According to the courier, they signed 'Stellar Associations' over to us, and they have records stating as much. But we have no records of having received it."

"Which means the delivery was intercepted," Olivia said, "either by one of your colleagues or someone else entirely."

Molly turned to Richard. "Do you have video surveillance at all your entrances?"

"We do, but..." Richard looked more and more sick to his stomach the longer they spoke. "The video feed was down for several hours the morning the courier says they delivered the painting."

"The feed was down for all the entrances during that time?" Molly asked, exchanging glances with Olivia. 

Richard nodded. "Yeah."

"How terribly inconvenient for you," Olivia said. "Or convenient, I suppose, if you're the one who stole it."

Richard bristled. "I would never--!"

"There were no security guards?" Molly asked.

"When paintings are changing hands, generally there's a heightened security presence," Richard said, "but they'd have to know that the exchange was happening in the first place."

"You've spoken with security?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Richard said.

Olivia nodded. "And none of them knew about the painting's arrival?"

Richard shook his head.

"I don't suppose there have been any unusual resignations or disappearances among museum staff?" Olivia asked.

"Uh, no," Richard said. "One of our chief curators went on maternity leave, but that happened two weeks ago, before the painting went missing."

"Mmm," Olivia said, indicating that she didn't think that was significant.

"Would it be possible for you to gather your senior staff so we could talk to them?" Molly asked.

"All of them? Right now?" Richard asked.

"Or three years from now, if there's no urgency," Olivia said. "It's up to you."

Richard looked horrified by the very idea. "I'll let them know you'd like to see them. Come with me. I'll show you to one of the classrooms; it's large enough for everyone to fit."

When they were alone in the classroom, Olivia shot an arch look at the security camera in the corner. "Cameras are working now, I see."

Molly smiled. "Well, we didn't bring any valuable paintings with us."

Olivia walked the length of the classroom, brushing her fingers lightly along the wall as she went. "It's very Agatha Christie of you, gathering everyone into one room."

"If they've done what I think they've done, we'll be able to recover the painting in this room."

"You're thinking a subspace pouch," Olivia said.

Molly nodded.

"Why?"

"I hope we'll be able to figure that out," Molly said.

Before long, all fifteen members of senior staff were in the classroom, looking various levels of displeased to be there. Richard introduced them all, and Molly committed their names to memory even though it wasn't their names she was particularly interested in. One of these people was an impostor, and it was their job to figure out which one.

"Thank you for coming," Molly said. "I'm sure the loss of 'Stellar Associations' has weighed heavily on all of you."

"I hope you don't think we had anything to do with it," said Nausheen, one of the chief curators.

Molly gave Nausheen a hard look, then shook her head. "No. Not you. But someone in this room."

Olivia smiled wryly at Nausheen, indicating Molly with a gesture. "She's very good, isn't she?"

"That remains to be seen," grumbled Eleanor, another chief curator who was leaning against the back wall.

"Eleanor," Molly said, "could you tell me your colleagues' names?"

Eleanor looked miffed. "Richard just introduced them."

"Their names, please," Molly said, "and where they work in the museum."

Eleanor rolled her eyes but began the list. "There's Guillaume, he's a chief curator..."

"Chief curator of what?" Molly asked. "I'm going to need as much detail as you have."

"Chief Curator of Architecture," Eleanor said. "Nausheen is Chief Curator of Drawings, I'm Chief Curator of Prints, Richard is Director of Outreach, John's Chief Curator of..." Eleanor frowned.

"You don't know?" Molly asked.

"Of course I do. Don't be silly. John's obviously Chief Curator of...of..." But Eleanor couldn't seem to remember.

Olivia glanced at Molly. "Familiarity emitter?"

Molly nodded. "Looks that way."

John stood up. "I'm not wasting any more time on this." He started for the door.

Richard moved between John and the door. "There's extra security just outside the door. Do you want to explain this to them or to us?"

"When did you first start working here? A week ago?" Molly asked. "A familiarity emitter's pretty handy. You would've been able to get in easily, because everyone here would've been convinced they already knew you and had been working with you for years. And the emitter could've been retuned to interfere with the security cameras for a set period of time."

John turned to face her. "Why didn't you know me? I didn't turn it off. You should at least have liked me enough not to suspect me."

"I did like you," Molly said. "That's why I suspected you."

John turned to Olivia, who shrugged. "I'm immune to familiarity emitters. But if you had one, either you've got a sideline in alien tech or you're not human yourself. Care to enlighten us?"

"'Stellar Associations' belongs to the Canopan government," John said. "It was originally given to our Minister of Negotiation as a gift, and was displayed in our halls of government for many years. When the Denebolans asked, we were happy to loan it to them. Then they conveniently forgot it had ever been ours in the first place, especially when it could make them money."

"I have a few contacts in the Denebolan government," Olivia said. "If you'd be willing to allow the Museum to display 'Stellar Associations' for the agreed-upon period, I could attempt to get the painting moving in your direction. If it doesn't, you could always steal it again."

Richard looked horrified. "Don't tell him that!"

"Either way, making the painting's theft look like the museum's fault wasn't exactly a bold move for interplanetary relations, was it?" Molly asked.

John sighed, reaching into his pocket and drawing out a small object that gradually gained in size until it was clearly the full-sized "Stellar Associations". He set the painting against the wall. "I'll talk to these Denebolan contacts of yours. But if that doesn't work, I'm fully prepared to take the painting back to Canopus where it belongs."

Olivia nodded. "Understood. Where can you be reached?" She drew John into a small huddle where they exchanged contact information.

"I wish people would stop talking about art theft in front of me," Richard said to no one in particular. "It makes me very nervous."

"Everyone else, you're free to go," Molly said. 

All the real members of senior staff filed out of the classroom, though Richard stopped to tell Molly, "When you're done with the room, I'll come back and get the painting."

Once John had left, Olivia crossed to Molly, regarding the painting solemnly. It was a starscape composed of deep blues and whites, and somehow the painting appeared to have depth. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"It is," Molly agreed. "Although..." She frowned as she caught a stronger whiff of an unusual smell she'd noticed a few minutes ago. "...is that rotten eggs?"

"Denebolan paints are sulfur-based," Olivia said blandly. "It has no odor at all to them."

The scent was growing stronger the longer they stayed in the room, so Molly pinched her nose shut. "Oh."

"I told you seeing it at the National Gallery was quite the experience," Olivia said.

Molly stared at Olivia. "You mean...?"

Olivia nodded. "They had to install a more efficient ventilation system for this painting alone. Impressive really." She looked at Molly. "As were you."

"Couldn't do it without you, sweetie," Molly said. "As always." She let go of her nose and was almost immediately sorry she had, coughing a little. "Mind going somewhere that doesn't smell like sulfur-based paint?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Olivia said with a smile. "Let's stop by the sculpture garden on the way out. I saw one more sculpture than was supposed to be there, and it's been a while since I've spoken to a Graigian. I do like to keep my diplomatic connections up to date."

"Do Graigians smell like sulfur?" Molly asked.

Olivia shook her head. "Not usually."

"Great. Let's go." Molly slipped her arm through Olivia's, and though Olivia didn't say anything, Molly could tell she was pleased. The polite smile always gave it away.

Molly wondered if Richard knew about "Stellar Associations"' unusual scent. If he didn't, he might be sorry he'd gotten it back after all.


End file.
